


I Can't Go On, I'll Go On

by constancehainesashes



Category: Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Basically my take on Jay's death, Death, F/M, Gen, Loss, Loss of loved one, Major character death - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 09:34:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10568574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constancehainesashes/pseuds/constancehainesashes
Summary: Louis knows his mother is going to die and soon. But he can't really wrap his head around it when it actually happens. He can never hug his mum again. Why is the world so unfair?





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my take on what happened around the time of Jay's death in Louis's life. Of course I wasn't there so I don't know how much of this is true. Starts with Louis finding out about Jay's cancer and ends with Just Hold On.

Finding out your mother has cancer is traumatic. That was how it was for Louis Tomlinson.

 

One day he went home to visit like he did every few months and his world turned upside down.  
His mother was dying.  
The doctors said she didn't have more than a year.  
And that was stretching it.

 

How was he supposed to cope?

 

He was going to become a father soon. His mother had been so supportive, and she'd been there for him throughout the whole ordeal. He hoped she'd see and meet her grandson. Just the thought of his son never knowing her made him want to scream to the world.

 

Life was so unfair.

 

Where was the justice?

 

\--

 

A month later Freddie was born. Louis swore it was the happiest day of his life. His baby was so perfect. His mother was not.

 

She wasn't too sick yet, but he could tell.

 

He could tell he was going to lose her soon.

 

People didn't notice it but he did. How her eyes slowly started sparkling less. How she got tired all the time.

 

He tried not to think about it.

 

He failed.

 

\--

 

Louis tried to accept the fact that his mother was now unable to get out of bed for very long. The leukaemia was taking a toll on her body, and there was really nothing to do but wait. No doctors could help her now.

 

This angered Louis. What was the point of having the field of medicine if it couldn't save the most important woman of his life?

 

His anger caused him to lose his girlfriend. Or well, ex-girlfriend now.

 

He didn't care.

 

\--

 

The worst day of his life was when she couldn't hold on anymore. She spent the day with Dan in bed and then she was gone.

 

At least Louis got a goodbye.

 

Not that it would ever be enough.

 

The pain was killing him.

 

\--

 

The funeral was even worse. He'd never cried like this before. Sure, people he loved had died before, like his gramps. And yes he had cried back then.

 

But it wasn't like this.

 

The grief crippled him. He couldn't even hold himself up anymore.

 

He knew he had to be strong for his sisters and brother but he didn't know how.

 

Freddie would never remember her. Ernest and Doris wouldn't have a mum. She was gone.

 

\--

 

Over the next few days, it got harder to breathe. He didn't want to move on.

 

Until Steve.

 

His brother.

 

And Eleanor.

 

\--

 

Meeting Steve had been mostly a coincidence. Louis had his own record label and was looking to expand that, but he wanted to sign new singers, not have the already famous artistes, so to speak. So when he met Steve at a party, there was mostly casual chit-chat.

 

He doesn't quite remember how they decided to write a song together, but it just happened.

 

And when you write a song with someone, you get close to them.

 

\--

 

Steve knew Louis was hurting and that he needed help.

 

Louis found an older brother in Steve.

 

And Just Hold On was born.

 

\--

 

While telling others to hold on to hope, Louis was getting better and worse at the same time. He was okay when he was with people, with family and friends.

 

He wasn't okay when he was alone.

 

He couldn't let her go.

 

Until Eleanor helped him.

 

\--

 

Eleanor had obviously heard about what had happened. She couldn't even imagine what he was going through. They weren't much in touch anymore because well, he was her ex-boyfriend.

 

She didn't plan on running into him, but she did.

 

And it was a good thing.

 

\--

 

For the first few days after re-meeting Eleanor, Louis was pretty much still a mess.

 

But being with her, it felt right. They had been through a lot together, and she always stuck by his side.

 

And she was by his side right now.

 

He suddenly didn't feel so alone.

 

\--

 

Of course he knew he'd never completely get over it.

 

He'd lost the most special woman, the most special person actually, in his life.

 

But he was doing better.

 

He slowly learned to cope.

 

He slowly healed.

 

\--

 

Sometimes, he still felt her around him.

 

Her scent, her gentle touch.

 

Her voice.

 

Her gaze on him. Looking down at him.

 

\--

 

She was so proud of her son.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment your thoughts!


End file.
